You Don't Understand!!!
On the occasion of a baby shower yesterday...
(a shower... might I mention... for one of my favorite people EVER.)
I dragged my Saturday mindset to the couch covered in footy-pajama children, hugged my coffee, and opened my Bible to start the day with my Savior.
(And of course... my children, my coffee, and the background noise of Saturday morning cartoons. Hmm. Not always the best time or place... but for yesterday... it worked.)
I've started (and re-started) a quest to read the Bible straight through with a new mind-set. The idea is to re-wire my mindset of reading the Bible to see how I can change, be changed, be comforted, find joy... and otherwise use the Bible for my own service... to just get to know who God IS... better.
And it's a lot harder than I thought.
It's isn't the knowing God that's harder than I thought... it's the not focusing on myself... that's hard.
But hands down one of the most exciting things I've ever done... and I've only just begun.
I began in Genesis, and had to begin again. It's not easy to rewire your mind that way. And it's exciting, and incredible to realize just how much I can dig into from this way of thinking...
Here's a brief thought I want to share.
It came from a pile of thoughts...
That I haven't entirely sorted.
(yet.)
The reality of God is undeniable. One of the evidences of it... is through creation.
[And on top of that....]
The fact that He made us... to “multiply”...
[And on top of that...]
He made US in His image. He made a lot of things... but He made US.... special.
He allows us to know Him and to communicate with Him. With.... GOD.
Why would He then allow us to have our own children (as we are His...)
who also look.... just like us?
I'm not quite sure that everything has sunk in from these things that I can get... but much of it is tied up in the fact that through these relationships, we can learn more about Him. We can learn more about God the FATHER... and His relationship with His dearly loved, hand-made, children.
Every night when I put Hannah to bed I've taken to the habit of saying “Hannah. You have NO IDEA. How much I love you!!! Just just DONT UNDERSTAND.”
To which she replies...
“YES. I. DOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
But she doesn't.
She really, really doesn't.
And she can't. She's a child.
My understanding is different than hers. My realm of reality is not the same as her.
Stakes are higher. Hurts are deeper. Love is more desperate.
Of more worth.
Hannah thinks that she understands. She really, really does.
And to the absolute bursting of her capacity to understand... she does.
In fact, we then snowball into an argument in which she stakes the claim that she in fact, loves ME more.
But she just doesn't understand.
And I don't understand... even when I think I do... even when I want to... just how much
The undeniable God of the world....
loves even me.
And no matter what else everything means that I have yet to figure out.... that sure does make me feel safe. Isn't He wonderful?
