Even... Here.
I'm not eloquent. OR well spoken. So please bear with me...
I'll cut straight to the main point.
[Sometimes life is hard.] Really hard.
I'm not talkin like bad hair day, oversleeping... or even starting the day without coffee (Although I literally cringe to write that...)
I'm talking... sickness. Fear. Death. Broken marriages. Broken relationships.
The kind of stuff that makes you think "OW." And also... "How will I ever get through this..."
There have been times when I've thought... "I just want to go home!!!" .... but I am home....
Is that depressing? I don't mean to be... I just want to address the JOY I've found even in these things.
Have you ever read these verses?
Psalm 16
A miktama of David.
1Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2I said to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing.”
3As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.b
4The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10because you will not abandon me to the grave,c
nor will you let your Holy Oned see decay.
11You have madee known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.That's awesome stuff. Have you ever found comfort in those verses? I have. But then one day I asked myself...
Have I ever really... stepped into... it?
Do my actions, reactions, thoughts, and attitudes reflect my sense of safety in my circumstances, or in my God?
What am I REALLY trusting in?
I think that question can really shake us up sometimes, but it's always a good thing to re-evaluate if we really BELIEVE what we know. Ya know? We can always go deeper with this infinite God of ours...
I can't begin to express the joy, peace and relief it means to me to stop and realize right in the midst of the greatest storms... even this morning watching my 5 year old lay on an operating table preparing for surgery...
This is exactly where God wants me to be.
Right HERE.
Even... here.
Which means... there is a purpose in this beyond what I know. Period.
If I'm following Him.. then exactly HERE is the way... to where I'm going. And it's not here. He carries us through trials.
So HERE... [If I'm following the Lord... if I'm seeking Him... if I'm not serving myself....' ] is where His promises ring the MOST true... not the least....
Here... (Even here...) Is where I'm the very safest.
So why not... do it well.
Instead of complaining, whining, and crumbling... why not... KNOW what I know. And dig my feet in the ground.
And do it well.
Because I'm following the footsteps of the Savior of the whole entire world. I don't know what He'll do with this situation... but I know what He's done before and what it reveals about WHO HE IS. And I'm safe. [No matter what happens.]
He is truly my portion.. and my cup. Isaiah 8 says "We do not need to fear what they fear..."
Our fears don't have to be our circumstances (Easier said than done.. for SURE!) The more I learn the safety of the nearness of the presence of Christ.. the more I fear... leaving it.
[Even if it means walking through circumstances that hurt. That I still don't want to walk through. That I am scared of.]
Even then.
Will I trust HIM... or will my circumstances? It's painful sometimes to realize [I CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.]
But I know enough about Him to know that I can trust Him.
Even Here.
And that's one of many reasons why I love Him.
Love, Mary
